Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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