You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize