She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
