I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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