Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
