Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
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