Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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