Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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