Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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