I can text with my tongue
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
