Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
