i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
