my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
