He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
