perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Randomize
