Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
