Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
