no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i already hear my dad disowning me
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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