just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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