Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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