i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize