Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You are a genius and a whore.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
