well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
