I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
