god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
