There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
