shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
