I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
