You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Randomize
