so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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