I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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