Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We're too hungover to prance.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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