She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
