just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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