After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize