A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize