I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
