I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize