i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
