I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
