My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
