John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Sext me about skeletons
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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