1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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