put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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