once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
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