i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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