So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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