Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
