I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
