Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
