My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
