Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize