mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
