i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize