Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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