just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
