Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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