don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
