Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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