He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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