i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
