So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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