Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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