why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
